Help Me, I Have House Envy
P.S. How much to gift grads, beach book recos, facial ice rollers, the most versatile skirt and more
Dear LFQ,
Have you ever dealt with house envy? I am too old for these jealous feelings but don’t know what to do about them! –Anonymous
Kate: How do I answer this without putting too fine a point on it? In a word, YES. Like, all the dang time. My friends have some absolutely stunning homes, and sometimes it’s hard to keep the pangs of envy in check. It could be tidy mudroom cubbies, a beautifully landscaped outdoor living room, or my achilles heel: a spacious and elegantly marbled kitchen island. I know it’s occasionally debated in design circles, but I just don’t see how you can possibly beat the center island as the hub of modern life. As someone who loves interiors and design, it’s a total treat to spend time in homes where I can admire the many creative and personal decisions that have been made. Other people’s aesthetics make for fun and inspiring conversation, and they help plant ideas for what I could do with our home when it comes time to tackle the next project, big or smalI. (Don’t we all think of our homes as a perennial WIP?) I may not be able to afford a big kitchen reno tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean I’m not putting ideas away for when that day hopefully comes.
I’ve noticed that when my admiration slips into the less pleasant territory of jealousy, it’s because I’m stressing about a particular pain point in my own home (see: messy mudroom and backyard blahs). My agita usually depends on the day and the amount of clutter in my immediate field of vision. I’m sure there are more constructive ways I could deal with this, like actually making a budget-friendly plan for the backyard, but that’s too easy to put off (also see: I have procrastination problems). Instead I prefer a different mental reset: I pick up the clutter, put things back in order, and stand in my favorite kitchen spot near my stove. I look out over our main room and through the front door window. I’ve always loved that view. It reminds me to be grateful for what’s in front of me right now, and to appreciate my own spaces in the way I do for others.
Elizabeth: Now is when I lovingly point out that while Kate is yearning for a kitchen island, her kitchen peninsula is one of my favorite places to belly up to. In fact, her entire house is heaven to me, especially the timeless, layered decor that she’s silently murdering me for linking out to.
This is your reminder, dear reader, that someone is probably envying what you have at the very moment you’re envying what someone else has. Envy is natural! Envy is normal. Envy can even be useful when it illuminates our true desires. But when we become tight-chested or morose from coveting thy neighbor’s La Cornue range, it’s time for some perspective.
Like Kate, I have a deep appreciation for fine shelters and furnishings. A beautifully decorated and styled home is my idea of happiness. I admire those who do it well, and revel in trying to do it well myself. Alas, I am not a designer nor am I living in my dream house. I am living in a rental because Bay Area real estate, resplendent with a linoleum kitchen floor that is trying and failing to be terracotta tile, and beige walls that I am forbidden to paint or paper. Are there houses that would make me happier? For sure—for awhile. But when I placed the last throw pillow, I am also sure that my eye would begin to wander to the Spanish Revival down the street.
Even if I got what I wanted—the dream house, a snatched jawline, these Loeffler Randal raffia ballet flats—I would still want more. I think I’ve always known this in theory, just as I know that queso fundido is delicious in the moment but not so fun the next day. Recently it clicked for me in a big way: I will never have it all so why make myself miserable trying? If you can view your envy as a bottomless bowl of queso, my guess is that you will enjoy it in moderation without letting it consume you.
Quick Q:
What is an appropriate gift for high school grads? Is it always money? If so, how much are we talking about? –Kate
Basically, yes, cash is still king on the grad party circuit. While some parents may privately acknowledge the slightly awkward and mercenary nature of a graduation party invitation, the kids love it and genuinely appreciate what they receive. As for how much to give? It totally depends on what feels right to you and your relationship with the grad. All the moms I talked to said somewhere between $20-$50 is common. A large gift of $100 or more is usually reserved for special bonds, such as nieces, nephews, godsons and daughters or close family friends. If you’d prefer to give something other than money, consider where the grad is headed in the fall. A gift certificate to a well-known sandwich shop or restaurant on his or her new campus is a thoughtful twist on the tradition. Congrats, Class of ‘24!
Thank you, thank you for the insights Keely D., Shanna T., Molly H., Maggie T., and Molly C.!
P.S.
Let the beach book recos commence: Elin Hilderbrand is in our cart; The Rachel Incident was a favorite last year. Buy a damn plane ticket if you have to. Apparently we are now tissue box cover people. How can you not love the GOAT Air Jordan Retros in Latte? This ice roller is making us want to upgrade our cheap ice roller. Post-roll, it’s time for Pinched Cheeks. Yes taffeta, especially in an all-season bubble skirt (in black please!). What can’t Kate Hudson do? Oh my god!!!
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