What We Really Think of Kids' Sports
P.S. Summer vibes, celebrating Psycho Killer, art maps, HRT and more
Hello friends!
Kate’s filing this edition from Maui while Elizabeth is en route home to Mill Valley by way of Minnesota. School’s officially out and everyone is searching for their version of a chillaxed summer (Is that a thing? Who knows. Link relevant for later!), so we thought we’d connect with our beloved friend and birthday cake savant Joanne Torres to dig into what in the actual hell is going on with kids’ activities and the various compromises we’re all finding ourselves making.
Here’s to summer!
Xoxo,
Kate & Elizabeth
Dear Kate,
I’ve always admired your unfussy, unassuming approach to parenting. Taking things day-by-day, and rolling with the punches. You are the reed that bends in the wind! Meanwhile, my approach has been to quietly judge others, believing our family will be some sort of exception. “We’ll never give them iPads in the car!” “They’ll never be allowed to dictate what we serve for dinner!” Now that my kids are 4 and 6, I’ve been sufficiently humbled. I eat crow on the regular and it tastes like two bananas that were both sliced “the wrong way.” Now that our kids are entering big kid territory my current arrogant belief is that we won’t give the entirety of our free time over to kid sports and activities. How wrong am I? Where am I on the delulu scale? At what point are kid plans too many kid plans? That’s three questions. Sorry, I’m new here. –Joanne
Dear Joanne,
Welcome to LFQ! I couldn’t be happier you’re here. It brings me great joy that you once thought you’d be able to avoid giving your kids iPads in the car. I remember thinking that’s what I’d do too. Same with eating in the car. It seemed so straightforward - like who just has to eat Cheez-Its or Goldfish while you’re less than ten minutes from being able to do it at home? Kids, that’s who. You know what sucks? Vacuuming crumbs between seats. And let’s not even get started on how food can possibly taste different based on how it’s sliced. I mean, I guess I have opinions on food shapes too, but c’mon. Why must they wage wars over it?
Ok, let’s get down to business. Kids and sports. Activities and kids. Where’s the line? Let me be the first to say I don’t have a goddam clue. But I will tell you what I think. As you know, my boys are 12 (and big fans of your 4- and 6-yos!). Their lives (and ours) are dominated by school, hockey and baseball. We spent Father’s Day at a baseball field thirty miles from our house. We left early and didn’t get home until after dark. That’s the drill most nights and weekends throughout the year. There’s no question these sports are a massive commitment, yet we did it with open eyes. The boys like it, and so do we. We have friends who bide time with us between games and we’re (ok, I’m) quick to make it social whenever I can. A weekend tournament spent managing chlorine fumes at the Holiday Inn Express is no bummer to me - quite the opposite.
There’s something more to it though. We chose this because we believe organized sports will offer something to our boys in how they will eventually behave and become in the world. Battle adversity. Work constructively with others. The bet is that it might help. Is it for everyone? No way. Did our boys show enough interest to warrant the pursuit? They did. But it’s not perfect. Case in point: One of the boys has recently been hitting a roadblock this baseball season that’s now coming to a head. He was benched for missing too many make-able plays in the field. His dad and I see a kid who’s wrestling with confidence and anxiety. The coaches see a diminished passion and the need to act on their duty to calibrate the team while accommodating one player’s situation. The real question is whether there will be enough communication and effort to actually fight through this battle. I think everyone would agree on the desired outcome, but I’m not sure getting there is as easy as it seems, despite all the vested interests. Yet, it’s a bet I’ll make today, tomorrow and twice on Sunday. We’ll see what unfolds.
Kate,
First things first, I commend you for attempting to vacuum the crumbs out of the car. I prefer to let them pulverize over time until they are a fine sand, not unlike the kind you’re probably wiggling your toes in right now. The Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies Orange Sand Beach. Federally protected. By me.
Back to kid sports. Ok. Ok. I am very encouraged by two conditions you’re laying out. One, they should show enough interest to warrant the pursuit. That feels easy enough to pay attention to and act on. And, two, it should be a character-building opportunity that teaches them something in practice I would otherwise have to teach them in theory. So, yeah, maybe I’m driving around town more often, but ultimately it lightens my parental load. Win win. Even if they lose. Especially if they lose. Get in the car, we’re going to Dairy Queen!
P.S.
The world finally gets to know Paul Reubens. This one will crack you wide open. Can you believe Psycho Killer turned 50? Latinx identity and Rococo aesthetics collide. Information, but make it beautiful. Waterproof but cute beach pouches! Good news, Shrinking is for sure back. Please someone explain the appeal of Shane Gillis’ face. Something about it works. Craving more meals al fresco while digging deeper into HRT. Happy summer!